Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord:
though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;
though they be like crimson, they shall become like wool.
Isaiah 1,18
HEROIC CHASTITY: CONQUERING SEXUAL SINS
—by Rev. McLean Cummings
Introduction
Ours is not a time when fallen human beings can live chastely with relative ease and confidence. In the twenty-first century, almost everyone who wishes to be chaste must practice this virtue to an heroic degree. Chastity is nothing other than living one's sexuality in a reasonable manner, but, today, many factors make this more difficult than usual.
Immodest fashions, advertising, and popular music bombard our imaginations with unwanted images. Outright pornography is only a click away on the Internet or cable television channels. Helpful role models for young people, supportive public opinion, and sound advice are hard to come by. If you have found yourself trapped in sexual habits that are poisoning your relationships, emptying your wallet, and endangering your reputation, then you are not alone.
Whom will this booklet help?
This booklet is designed for the millions of individuals, just like you, who are threatened by humiliating subservience to passions they cannot control. While your religious commitments and sense of human decency may be outraged, the embarrassing nature of this predicament makes finding the way out seem impossible.
Here you will find the basic principles for chaste living that the Christian religion has developed, proved to be effective and taught throughout its history. Although conditions for living purely and honorably have never been more difficult, you hold in your hands the key to enjoying the freedom for which Christ has set you free 1.
Our plan of action
Practicing heroic chastity requires viewing this area of life as a battleground in which to win glory for God while destroying our selfishness in the process. Job's remark that "man's life on earth is a battle"2 was never more apt. Consequently, as any good military planner would do, you must first accept the challenge to fight, then make the necessary preparations, and, finally, carry out the operations well. As we go, we will divide each of these three stages into several smaller steps.
A. Accepting the challenge: for you failure is not an option
1. Victory is possible
If you have struggled against impurity for years, even decades, you will be very familiar with two feelings: helplessness and guilt. However, one of these feelings must be false. If a person were truly powerless to change his behavior, then he would not be responsible for it and should not feel guilty. The person who engages in illicit sexual behavior is either helpless and not guilty or guilty and able to act otherwise. Which is it?
Modern society, encouraged by the teachings of Sigmund Freud, wishes us to believe that we are powerless before the "libido" and that we should not feel guilty about indulging it. Sexual feelings of any sort, it is currently assumed, are natural, and to fight against nature is a futile endeavor. Moral codes are said to be a vain attempt to force our behavior into limits and boundaries that the spontaneous impulses and powerful drives of mindless nature know nothing of. The devil (whom modern society also chooses to ignore) is eager for us to accept this myth, admit our helplessness and await the day when the Church will recognize the advances of modern psychology and adjust its moral teachings.
The Church, "expert in humanity" 3 that she is, will not be fooled. Scripture clearly teaches that God holds us responsible for our behavior in the area of sexuality, and it follows that we are free in our choices regarding it. Certainly, there are rare sexual pathologies which cause those afflicted to act in ways for which they are not always responsible. In the vast majority of cases, however, people are responsible for their sexual behavior - even in the case of young boys with regard to masturbation, as Pope Pius XII emphasized.
In short, we are not slaves to our passions. This is good news indeed! Change is possible. Bad behavior in this area, as in many others, seems unavoidable only because habits form quickly, sometimes before the individual ever experiences a chaste adult life. But the weaknesses characteristic of our fallen human nature, even when reinforced by bad habits, are not insuperable. Like the habits of eating too much, criticizing one's neighbor, or biting one's nails, this habit, too, can be overcome.
2. Victory is desirable
While change is possible, it will not be easy. To ensure victory, we must desire it with all our heart. If you are struggling to live a chaste life, it means that you have conflicting desires. You desire to be chaste, and you desire to enjoy illicit pleasures. The spirit is willing, but the flesh weak . 4 If you were truly honest, like the young St. Augustine, your prayer might be: "Lord, make me chaste, but not yet."
In order to desire chastity with all your heart, you must understand what is going on inside your heart. Strictly speaking, we can only desire good things. Consequently, the sinner is the one who pursues something good (for instance, sexual pleasure) independently of or with detriment to other, greater goods, including the greatest good of all - friendship with God. God made all things good; therefore, they are all worthy of being desired in their proper place, time and manner.
Strange as it may sound, pornography attracts because there is something good in it, namely, the human body and sexuality. Separated from their proper context, however, - that is, outside the proper place, time and manner - the goods of human sexuality become disordered. They can be isolated from their natural context and artificially manipulated, just as the cocoa plant is manipulated in the production of cocaine. Then what is really good becomes opposed to and destructive of other, higher goods, such as the dignity of the persons involved. This is what makes pornography, like evil of all kinds, both attractive and repellent, fascinating and ugly, all at once.
The allure of pornography can be neutralized in two ways. First, remember that the human body and sexuality are only a small part of a much greater good. Contemplate the whole beauty of God's plan in creating man and woman. Consider the marvel of married love, especially when enriched by sacramental grace and crowned with the gift of children. Only in the context of a self-sacrificing love, a total lifelong commitment, and a common search for holiness can sexuality ennoble man and not defile him. In this context, sexual love is beautiful, romantic, mysterious, a worthy theme for great art and even a fitting image of God's love for man. If you are drawn towards pornography, how much more should you be drawn to the complete picture of authentic human love.
Second, remembering that evil consists in choosing a lesser good or part of one, recognize that pornography is evil (like other forms of sexual immorality) because it rejects the whole good of human sexuality. Indeed, so distorted is the presentation of the human person in pornography that very often people's faces are not shown. Rather than ennobling those involved, pornography depersonalizes and degrades them. Spreading like a wave, this treatment of persons as objects leads to disorders on many levels: physical, psychological, spiritual and social.
As you inflame your desire for the fullness of God's plan for man and woman, hate with intensity the evils caused by its perversion. Always recall the dignity of persons involved in sexual immorality, including yours: we were all innocent children once; we are all called to be children of God forever. Far from experiencing shame and objectification, we are called to manifest in glory the uniqueness of our person.
3. Victory is urgent
We have seen that victory over impurity is both possible and desirable. Our sexual powers are susceptible to being ordered by our reason, so that they will contribute to our dignity and happiness. Still, to achieve this, you must see victory not only as possible and desirable, but as an urgent necessity.
Many of those who have struggled against impurity for a long time have lost this sense of urgency. A terrible despondency sets in which makes the person apathetic both about the wonderful ideal of sexual love lived according to God's plan, and about the promised punishment for violating that plan. To pull oneself out of this mire of apathy, we must not only stoke the desire for God's gifts but develop a holy fear of His punishments. We need both the carrot and the stick.
Priests and other spiritual advisors hardly want to add to the burden of a person stuck in a cycle of sin by reminding him of hell. Yet, if you have taken to heart the first lesson - that change is possible for all - then the reality of eternal punishment will serve not to discourage but to motivate.
Indeed, the fact that sexual sin is so widespread in our day is not only due to the weakness of human nature and the corruption of our culture. It is also due to the fact that many are so ignorant of the seriousness of sexual sin. Were more people taught about how seriously God regards the misuse of the body, which He has designated as His "temple," 5 many would have avoided these sins in the first place.
Sexual sin is unique in that one sins against one's own body 6 and therefore demeans one's personal dignity and usually that of others as well. Because of this direct offense to persons themselves, every sexual sin, however "minor," concerns serious matter. In other words, if someone knowingly and deliberately commits a sin of a sexual nature, it is always a mortal sin. Our Lord confirmed this by indicating that even deliberately entertained sexual fantasies are tantamount to the sins they represent . 7 While some sexual sins are worse than others, all merit the loss of God's grace and exclusion from the kingdom of Heaven . Indeed, appearing on one occasion to Blessed Jacinta, the youngest of the Fatima seers, the Blessed Virgin Mary acknowledged with sorrow that sins of the flesh are the cause of damnation of the greatest number of those who are lost.
Recalling God's justice should not, however, make us forget His mercy! He looks with limitless, tender love upon each one of us, especially upon those caught in sin. Along with children, the poor, the sick, and unbelievers, Jesus and His Church have a particular predilection for sinners. 9 He came not to seek out righteous men but sinners, so He could make them righteous. His Infinite Mercy is drawn to those who need it most, offering immediate forgiveness to anyone who is sorry for their sins regardless of their number or magnitude.
However, being sorry means being willing to change one's ways. Make no mistake: in the great majority of cases, failure to overcome sexual sins is due to a lack of determination to change. Without this desire to change, even God cannot lift us out of our miseries; with that desire, we are more than half way there.
B. Preparing for battle: overwhelming force is at your disposal
4. Weapons
Convinced of the possibility, desirability and urgency of victory, you are ready to set to work. The first step is to assemble an arsenal of weapons both supernatural and natural.
The reminder that our eternal salvation is at stake should also warn us that the enemy of our souls, the devil, will oppose our efforts to live chastely. Let us therefore begin by amassing supernatural weapons, as St. Paul suggests: "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places". 10
The term, "spiritual weapons", indicates those things that we can do to increase God's grace in us. This means prayer, sacraments and good works. Let us take a look at prayer and sacraments first. An ordinary healthy Christian life should involve, at the very least, monthly reception of the Sacrament of Penance, weekly reception of Holy Communion, and daily mental prayer. Again, sexual sins would not be so widespread, if Christians were faithful to such a minimal spiritual program.
However, if you find yourself stuck in sexual sin, even addicted, you must not content yourself with the basic regime. You need to make an all-out effort to break free from a pattern of sin and the clutches of the evil one. Usually, this will mean weekly confession and daily reception of the Holy Eucharist.
Confession is frequently misused by those who have fallen into sexual vices. They often come to the sacrament only after a serious fall or a long period of sin to lighten at last their burdened conscience, and then they leave with no hope of amendment. But to come to confession means to come to Christ, to the Lord of Heaven and earth, the terror of demons, and the Savior of the World! Lepers left His side cleansed, blind men seeing, lame men leaping. We must believe that He has the power to break the shackles of sexual sins. It is imperative to leave with a firm hope that from this moment forward, I will remain free of this sin.
Furthermore, you must resolve to go to confession regularly, even once a week at first, even if you have no serious sins to report. The point of frequent confession is to help the person gradually uproot even minor sins while increasing all the while in grace. The best defense is a good offense. If one is being faithful in small matters, one will be faithful in larger ones 11, as Our Lord observed.
After a good confession, the soul is swept and clean , a worthy tabernacle for the Most Holy Trinity. God is now back in His temple. With this in mind, you should receive Christ in the Holy Eucharist as often as possible. By receiving His Sacred Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity, into the "earthen vessel" 13 of your body and soul, you share in His infinite purity and holiness. With Christ living in us, His grace will abound in us , if only we do our part to cooperate with it.
When you receive Holy Communion, have the specific intention that He keep you chaste just for today. Every day as you receive Christ in the Eucharist, or at least visit Him in a church or chapel, ask Him: Lord, keep me chaste until we meet tomorrow. Christ Himself counseled us to take one day at a time, letting tomorrow take care of itself. Looking too far ahead is a good way to get discouraged. But if we stay chaste each day, we will end up chaste for a lifetime.
This sacramental life, having objectively reestablished our friendship with Christ, naturally leads to a life of prayer. Prayer is friendship with God in action. Our daily prayer must not be a rote recitation or reading of words, but a "being with" and conversing with Him Whom our soul loves16 , and Who we know loves us. We must provide for at least a quarter of an hour of this "mental" prayer each day, recalling the presence of God at other times as we are able. For those who are just coming out of a sinful life, nothing could be better than meditation upon the Crucifix and excerpts from the Gospel accounts of the Passion of Our Lord. St. Alphonsus Ligouri affirmed that no one who meditates for fifteen minutes a day upon the Crucified can sin seriously; he will either give up the sin or give up the prayer. Besides friendship with Christ, prayer should foster a real relationship with other heavenly helpers: the Mother of God, our Guardian Angel, and particular saints.
Friendship is also the greatest among the natural weapons that must be built up before we can engage in battle. A sense of loneliness (even for the married) is a factor that leads to sexual vice, and impure behavior only reinforces this feeling of isolation. Even superficial friendships can keep us from being inwardly focused, gloomy and tempted. Still, the best friends are those who will help one strive towards noble and honorable goals. Ideally, you should have at least one person who can be trusted enough to accompany you on your struggle to be chaste. Such a friend or counselor may not be at hand, and is not strictly necessary. But a confidant, be it your wife, a regular confessor or spiritual director can be an invaluable support. Speaking openly of our struggles is a time-tested method of diffusing the devil's attempts to isolate and overwhelm us.
Finally, any healthy activity or worthy hobby constitutes a useful weapon against sexual sin. Impure thoughts and temptations can monopolize one's mental life and lead to obsession. The more positive occupations we have, the less opportunity for the contrary. Exercise, walks in the woods, listening to good music, reading poetry or playing chess - the list is endless. However, note well that all these examples require some active involvement on our part and are edifying; frequent television watching and other mind-numbing pastimes will only foster a passive, weak and dull spirit. St. Paul could not have indicated the right path better than when he told the Philippians: "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things".17
5. Training every day
Heroes are not born; they are made. Great acts of valor occur when a person who has been training in secret is suddenly confronted with mighty challenges. St. Maximillian Kolbe is known for only one great heroic deed - giving up his life to save a fellow prisoner at Auschwitz - but it was made possible by a lifetime of smaller sacrifices. Likewise, to be heroically chaste, conquering in times of trial, you must train assiduously in times of peace.
The key word is "toughness." To be chaste you must develop interior and exterior toughness. Sexual sins appear as an easy way out of a host of problems: tension, depression, loneliness, boredom, a sense of inferiority. Indulging sexual urges seems like a pleasant, convenient way to escape the trials of life for a while. However, as with the abuse of alcohol, giving into weakness can lead to a devastating, downward spiral.
With regard to interior toughness, it is paramount to strengthen the will. We can never have enough will power to command our passions to subside or our imagination to turn off. Yet, we can and must retain the power to take necessary action quickly when needed. The will can be "exercised" by putting it to use. Anything that we make ourselves do that we do not "want" to do (that is, that we do not tend effortlessly towards) but that requires an "act" of the will is helpful. We should begin by doing what we have to do "willingly" and not reluctantly. In addition, we can discover all sorts of acts of kindness and good order, by which to strengthen our will: when you are feeling troubled, rather than give in to gloom, make acts of faith and trust in God, sing or listen to upbeat music. When your memory and imagination present you with ugly thoughts, think about something beautiful or interesting. Moreover, prayer, as discussed above, will give many opportunities to exercise the will.
This is a high stakes battle against real enemies, so we must be really tough. This will demand "exterior" toughness as well: a life characterized by a healthy degree of discipline, austerity, and penance. You will be amazed how effective a few simple penitential practices are in helping you conquer sexual temptations. A life of luxury and comfort is a seedbed for sins of the flesh. With prudence and, preferably, the advice of a spiritual guide, add penances to your life: for example, wearing something uncomfortable at times, less warm showers, or occasionally sleeping on the floor. Most importantly, adopt only the sorts of austerities that you can maintain with relative ease no matter how small; you don't need another reason to get discouraged! A little penance in the right spirit goes a long way, and one can always build up.
Finally, the most important "penance" of all is an all-out war on idleness. One must keep so busy that there is literally "no time to sin". By "busy" we don't mean frenetic activity, of course, but only that you are never left not knowing what to do with yourself. Idleness truly is the devil's workshop. This means consciously putting all of the "natural weapons" mentioned at the end of the last section to work. Whether our activities are useful or relaxing, they must be planned out. A person with no plan, especially when living alone, will begin to get bored, surf the channels, and day-dream; the person who, on the other hand, has a full life of culture and study, prayer and exercise, social engagements and works of charity, will fall into bed at night ready for a well-deserved rest.
6. Strategic thinking
The final and most critical element of your preparation is at hand: strategy. To win you must think. After all, what good would weapons and training be without a coherent, well thought-out battle plan? Our enemies (the devil, the world and the flesh) certainly cannot be eliminated, and so this will be a largely defensive war. Fighting cleverly will mean knowing your weak spots and defending them well.
Our main opponent, the devil, is always on the look out for signs of weakness, "prowling like a lion looking for someone to devour". 18 Still, powerful though he may be, Satan has no power to force us to consent to even the smallest sin. You must always remember this sovereignty of yours, even if God permits him to torment you with persistent, even obsessive, perverse thoughts.
The "world," (St. John's term for the people, institutions, and cultures that resist the Lordship of Christ) has made a science out of abusing human sexuality to keep people buying movie tickets, the latest fashions, and every product from cars to toothpaste. But much of the power of this constant bombardment of sexually charged material is lost if we recognize it for what it really is: clumsy propaganda, portraying the banal and ephemeral as exciting and fulfilling.
Finally, the "flesh" refers to our weak spot in the most general sense. Since the fall of man, all human beings suffer from "concupiscence," or the experience of inordinate desires, especially in the realm of sexuality. This weakness, which baptism does not remove, is not sinful in itself, but it is a tendency towards sin that we must always take into account. In consequence, a considerable amount of sensory input will constitute "temptations" for us, that is, invitations to pursue a lesser good at the cost of greater goods.
While some temptations come suddenly and uninvited - either by an image that pops up in our mind or a billboard on the highway - these are the least dangerous. How to react appropriately to them will be treated in the next section. The goal of our strategy at this point is to prevent temptations from arising at all. Acting proactively is critical, because temptations resulting from our imprudence or negligence are much more difficult to defeat.
The way to short-circuit temptations before they arise is by the total and radical elimination of the sources of temptation. It is mind-boggling that a person who is plagued by a tendency to view pornography on the Internet would maintain an unfiltered computer in a private place. Such a person is opening the door and inviting temptation to come in! Be radical in your attacks on the sources of temptation. If you are on a business trip, don't even stop to wonder if the hotel TV offers "adult" programming; unplug the television as soon as you walk into the room and place a picture of your family and the Blessed Virgin Mary on it.
Notice that there are two steps here: (1) thinking ahead about when and where I am likely to fall (e.g. surfing channels on a business trip), and (2) placing obstacles between myself and a potential fall (to sin one would have to cast aside the pictures and plug in the set). It is surprising how much protection such "obstacles" provide.
If one has been tempted to self-abuse when bathing, for instance, one must think strategically and make decisions in advance. Practical measures might include: showering for no more than three minutes, in cool water; taking care to avoid glimpsing oneself in the mirror; and before showering kissing the cross or medal one wears around one's neck .
Another name for the core element of any chastity strategy is "extreme modesty." So precious and fragile is the virtue of chastity (at least at first), that there is a specific virtue, modesty, to protect it. When a person is very weak - perhaps coming out of decades of bad habits in this area - there can be no degree of modesty that is too great. For example, he should turn away not just from lurid advertisements but from any with pretty models at all. There is a parallel with alcoholism: just as a sip of wine could start the slide to a binge, so one should gladly err on the side of purity in one's every glance and touch.
This sort of calculated and determined assault on temptation at its root is the most neglected ingredient in a successful fight for chastity. It is the kind of "violence" to which Our Lord was referring, when He said, "the Kingdom of Heaven suffers violence, and the violent bear it away". 19
C. Engaging in combat: you must fight heroically
7. The enemy attacks
Armed, trained, and positioned, you await from the ramparts of your soul the attack of the enemy. It is sure to come. Recalling a few points that have been made above will indicate the kind of attack that it is sure to be. First, our will can only consent to good things. Second, not even the devil himself can force its consent. Thus, the only way for us to sin is if we are tempted to focus on a lesser good with ever-growing fixation until we completely forget about the greater goods. Then the lesser good (which, you will recall, separated from or substituted for a greater good, is what we call "evil") comes to seem like the only good, for me, now. I choose it and sin. This is the "psychology of temptation."
In reality, many small acts of consent lead us to concentrate on the lesser good. What is experienced as an inevitable succumbing to a superior power is actually a succession of choices that can be made before one even realizes what is happening. In the example of the man on a business trip, the choices might be: omitting to unplug the TV, failing to call his wife, read a book or say his prayers, deciding to watch the news, to stay up late when he is tired, to see what cable has to offer, and so on.
The end of the process of sliding into sin is experienced as operating with tunnel vision, as if moved by another power, or what we might call "going into robot-mode." In this mode the apparent good has come to seem like the greatest or only good for me now. One has become fascinated in the same way that the prey of a cobra is lulled into inaction by the swaying of the cobra's head. Once one is acting in robot-mode, the chances of avoiding a fall are almost nil; the sense of utter powerlessness will be too great. It is critical, therefore, to see the snake coming from afar. Alarm bells must sound, telling you: "I've been down this road before. I know where it leads!"
8. Your counterattack
In the face of temptation, immediate retreat is the best option. We don't have to kill all the cobras in the jungle - just get away from this one. Our Lord used strong imagery to convey that we should avoid temptation at any cost, even if one may feel unnecessarily cautious or strict: if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. 20 To act sensibly, the man in our example should turn his attention to something good at once: call home, get out of his room, pick up a rosary or bible.
There are many wonderful things about prayer as the best antidote to temptation. First, it is the power of God which causes the evil one to flee. Second, it is always immediately at hand. We must develop the habit of turning automatically from temptations to a short, repeated prayer (e.g. "Jesus, I trust in you!", "O, Mary, conceived without sin, have mercy on us who have recourse to thee!", etc.). Thirdly, it gives us the assurance that we are not consenting to a temptation, even if it is very strongly oppressing us. We must always distinguish temptation from consent. Even though temptations can make us feel impure and degraded, we can in reality be tainted only by what we consent to by acts of the will.
Along with this spiritual counter-attack, one should not rule out a physical one. Depending, of course, upon the circumstances, a sharp pinch or slap to oneself can break the trance that the viper of temptation is trying to induce. Moreover, this practice agrees with an accepted psychological technique of associating something unpleasant (e.g. the snap of a rubber band on one's wrist) with thoughts or desires for something harmful (like a cigarette). Soon the negative desires no longer seem so attractive to our passions.
To repeat, we cannot emphasize enough the importance of reacting with overwhelming force and lightening speed. Although not even an elephant can uproot a grown oak tree, a mere child could have plucked it out as a seedling. The chain of small acts of consent must be broken at once; the train of temptation derailed before it picks up speed. Delay is fatal, but early action guarantees victory.
9. A war of attrition
The wound to human nature known as "concupiscence" is not healed completely in this life. This guarantees that one aspect of the heroism required for chaste living is perseverance. Nonetheless, we can look forward to a considerable degree of peace, for chastity is a virtue. This means that it is a habit, or a disposition enabling us to choose the good with an ease, promptitude and joy in proportion to the strength of the virtue.
This disposition is partly a result of grace (what is called an "infused virtue"), about which we have already spoken (see section 4). Never underestimate the need for grace in living a chaste life. The great St. Thomas Aquinas has assured us that the smallest degree of grace is sufficient to resist any degree of lust. But we must ask for it! When St. Paul told us that God would not permit us to be tempted beyond our strength, 21 he presumed that we were doing our part to seek and cooperate with God's grace.
The natural virtue of chastity, on the other hand, like all habits is strengthened by repetition. This means that every victory makes us stronger. We will go "from strength to strength,"22 the challenges becoming, on balance, progressively easier to overcome.
Nonetheless, the process of substituting good habits for bad takes time. We cannot expect to win the battle without getting wounded. Simple as the advice in this pamphlet is to read, putting it into practice can be tricky. Especially at the beginning one must refuse to get discouraged, remembering that the devil's most powerful weapon is discouragement. If he can persuade us that we cannot be chaste, patient or holy, we never will be.
An obvious wound that one might suffer is consenting to some of the first steps that could lead to sin. This is often described as putting oneself "in the occasion of sin". It can happen that one's actions at this level are not fully deliberate, especially if half asleep, and therefore only venially sinful. While you must never receive the Holy Eucharist when conscious of mortal sin, you should receive if you are not sure whether you have fully consented to sinning in a grave matter. Being scrupulous will not help one become pure of heart. However, the notion that someone conscious of grave sin may receive communion after only making an act of contrition if he plans to confess later is a misinterpretation of the Church's discipline. 23 Unfortunately, it is as often recommended to the faithful as it is harmful for their souls.
Should a slide toward sin continue beyond the first steps, the thought typically occurs that it is now pointless to resist; one might as well throw in the towel - fall completely into sin, confess, and try again. This is a deception. It is always worth fighting and never good to give in. One would never tell a murderer who has half finished the job, that he might as well carry on as he will have to go to prison in any case.
In the unfortunate case that mortal sin is committed, go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation at once. Do not even wait for your weekly confession, if you are receiving the sacrament with that frequency. Your main concern should be throwing off the yoke of sin as soon as possible, letting God's grace flood your soul again, and getting back into the fight. It is a common teaching that a person who gets up immediately from even a serious fall into sin can return to his former level of spiritual fervor, suffering no lasting harm.
10. Winning the peace
The truth of the matter is that acquiring the virtue of chastity is much easier than you think. It is no contradiction to say that chaste living in our day and age requires nothing short of heroism and that it is not such a big deal. To be a hero is simply to be a thoroughly faithful Christian, a sharer in the life of the model of all heroism, Jesus Christ. This life of grace makes the seemingly impossible more than feasible; as St. John observes: "His commandments are not burdensome."24
Do not be satisfied with avoiding serious sin. This is not a goal worthy of a Christian. Since chastity is a virtue, it can be lived to ever greater degrees of perfection. The foundation for chastity - an intimate friendship with Christ - can always be made stronger and deeper.
Do not think that the strengthening of chastity is supposed to permit one to ignore the practice of modesty. Many people search in vain for a "line" dividing what is permitted in the realm of sexuality from what is sinful. Such an attitude, which betrays bad faith and over-confidence in one's ability to resist temptation, will prepare the way to a fall. Rather, we must strive for an ever greater modesty, which is an appreciation of the spiritual dignity of the person (body and soul) as the intended dwelling place of the Most Holy Trinity.
The more one's appreciation for spiritual beauty grows, the more attempts to flaunt bodily beauty severed from spiritual values will appear repellent. This is a significant milestone on the road to chastity: what was once appealing now repulses.
In addition to this fruit of chastity, you will know a deep peace and joy. In fact, one of the best definitions of chastity is "the joy of belonging to God". Let nothing disturb this peace and joy. Memories of sinful deeds or images may last for years; endure them serenely as a humiliating penance. Avoid useless remorse and regret. The repentant heart that the Lord loves is suffused with joy that comes from contemplation of His mercy. Remember that God allows all evil, including our past sins, so as to draw greater good from them. 25 Draw out humility, gratitude, zeal and mercy towards others.
Conclusion
"I write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one." 26 Let the words of the Apostle John echo down to the present generation, serving as a worthy commendation for those who put into practice these counsels. Your victory is assured. Moreover, your victory is glorious. It is no mean achievement you have won. The flood of pornography and related trivializations of human sexuality is an integral part of the "culture of death." At stake, as we have noted, is not only the quality of men's lives on earth but the eternal destiny of millions. It is a great battle in which we are all involved, the heroes of which are called saints. Indeed, in overcoming these temptations you will have developed a deeper friendship with Christ, increased in His grace, and advanced far on the road to holiness.
What really conquers the culture of death is love, as Scripture says: love is stronger than death. 27 Supported by the merciful love of God for you, you have turned from inordinate self-love to a greater love of Christ and neighbor. Great love is what makes ordinary men heroes. Great love is what has made you and will keep you heroically chaste.
SUMMARY OF MAIN POINTS
1. Take hope: feelings of guilt and anguish indicate that change is possible. -Section 1
2. Discover and appreciate God's full and authentic plan for love between man and woman. -Section 2
3. Remember that deliberate sexual sins are always serious, capable of depriving you of eternal life. -Section 3
4. Have recourse to the Sacrament of Penance frequently, as often as once a week, even if you has no serious sin to report. In case of serious sin, go to confession at once. -Section 4,9
5. Receive the Holy Eucharist as often as possible, but never when conscious of mortal sin. -Section 4,9
6. Meditate daily, at least 15 minutes, especially on the Passion of Our Lord. -Section 4
7. Cultivate edifying pastimes so that there is literally "no time to sin". -Section 4
8. Strengthen your will by trying to do what is pleasing to God at all times. -Section 5
9. Practice some small mortifications to build discipline and a spirit of penance. -Section 5
10. Develop an acute sense of modesty, totally eliminating the sources of temptation in so far as this is in your power. -Section 6
11. Foresee possible dangerous situations and place obstacles between you and a fall. -Section 6
12. Be aware of the many small choices that lead to "occasions of sin". -Section 7
13. Flee temptations at once, especially by means of prayer.-Section 8
14. Refuse to get discouraged while building up the good habit (virtue) of chastity. -Section 9
15. Strive without limit for ever greater chastity and modesty. -Section 10
16. Replace useless remorse and regret with gratitude for God's mercy, humility, zeal and joy. -Section 10
Footnotes:
1 Galatians 5,1.
2 Job 7,1 (vulg.)
3 Paul VI, Address to General Assembly of United Nations (4 October 1965)
4 Matthew 26,41.
5 I Corinthians 6,19
6 I Corinthians 6,18
7 Matthew 5,28
8 I Corinthians 6, 9
9 Mark 2,17
10 Ephesian 6,11-12
11 Luke 16,10
12 Luke 11,25
13 II Corinthians 4,7
14 Romans 5,20
15 Matthew 6,34
16 Song of Solomon 3,1
17 Philippians 4,8
18 I Peter 5,8
19 Matthew 11,12
20 Matthew 5,29
21 I Corinthians 10,13
22 Psalm 84,7
23 An exception was foreseen by the Council of Trent only in the case of priests, who, if they should (God forbid) find themselves in a state of mortal sin with no other priest to whom to confess their sin, should not, therefore, refuse to celebrate the Holy Mass for the faithful in their charge; cf. Benedict XVI, Sacramentum Caritatis, n. 20; Catechism of Catholic Church, n. 1385.
24 I John 5,3
25 Romans 8,28
26 I John 2,14
27 Song of Solomon 8,6